cheesy love letter

What is love? Can anyone truly define it by a strict, always correct definition? I don't think that's possible. It's different for each and everyone of us. It is shown to us in so many ways. It comes from the smile of a loved one, or from the embrace of a good friend. You can hear it in the laugh of your best friend, the one who understands you all the way down to the core. You watch it in movies and you see it in your own life. You can see it all around you, from the jumping and floor-peeing of your dog, to the kiss from a lover.

For me, I've spent the last 9 1/2 months experiencing love in its most raw form. I have spent the last 9.5 months with someone that has taught me things that I never expected to learn. If you asked me why I loved him, I couldn't give you a definite answer. It would be long, and probably make no sense to you. But in my heart, it is as pure and deep as I can imagine. I love the way he makes me laugh, I love the way seeing him brightens my day, I love the way he embraces me. Watching him interact with his friends and family allows me to continuously learn new things about him. Watching him excel in something that he loves gives me so much hope and admiration. Knowing that I get to see him at the end of every day gives me something to constantly look forward to. Looking ahead to the 5 weeks we have to spend apart is going to be difficult, but spending the last 7 months together is worth it. Looking back on all we've been through, I never cease to be amazed at how far we've come. The fact that everyday seems to be as wondrous as the last is something I treasure greatly. We never seem to lose the awe that we have of each other, and I am constantly learning to appreciate new things about him. He sees things in me that I don't see myself. He helps me clear the negative thoughts that I have about myself out of my mind, and fills it instead with the positive things. He sees me for who I really am, and I love him more and more everyday. I know we're young and I know we have so much more to learn about life, each other, and most importantly, ourselves. But I feel that having him at my side, will help me along this journey.

So Chris, I love you. From the bottom of my heart, and all the way to the top, and then a pie chart! ;)

"Forever can never be long enough for me, to feel like I've had long enough with you. Forget the world now, we won't let them see."

Heartbreaking

I'm sitting here, on this beautiful Thursday afternoon, and I can't stop thinking about the sadness overtaking my heart. I'm attempting to do a study guide for geology, but for some reason I can't seem to focus on amino acids when my hometown is in so much pain. Sunday night was a shock, and it blinded so many people. Today is insanely hard, he'd be 19 today. How could someone so young do this? And someone who seemed so happy? But that is the mystery of life and we will never know the answers to the numerous questions that are now forever running through our minds.

I won't pretend that I knew Zach that well, or was even really ever friends with him. But I knew him to an extent, and the more I think about it, the more little memories flood back to me, making me more and more sad with each one. He was a light in everyone's life. I don't know a single person with a bad thing to say about him. His family adored him. My heart breaks for the Grillo family. I can't imagine they're pain. To think that the pain I feel is only a percent of what they feel is terrifying.

I wish I could be there tonight and tomorrow, if only to be a strength for the ones who are in so much pain. But I'm doing what I can from here, and am keeping everyone in my prayers. My heart goes out to the Grillo's and I'm constantly thinking about them.

If nothing else can be taken from this tragedy, let us all remember how precious life is. And just because someone says they're okay, doesn't mean that they are. Treasure those close to you, and never forget what they mean to you. It's never too late to say, "I love you," and you can never say it too many times. My heart goes out to everyone at home, I'm thinking of you.

"Never regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many."

Letter 8

Day 8 – An Internet Friend

I’m skipping this letter, because I don’t really have an internet friend. That seems like a bit of a blast from the past. So on that note, have a great weekend!

Letter 7

Day 7 – Your Ex-Boyfriend

Dear Matt,
Thank you for everything that you have taught me and everything we’ve been through. I know it’s been a long time since we’ve even spoken, but I learned a lot from you. I learned how far I could be pushed before I broke. I learned how low I could go before it was possible to turn back around and pick myself up. I learned how strong I could be and how to stand up for myself. You gave me good memories and you gave me some bad ones. You taught me who I want to be in a relationship. You taught me what to look for, and what not to look for. You taught me about broken promises and empty words. But you taught me what love is, and for that, I am forever grateful. I have no regrets when it comes to us, and it was a long time ago. The past is done, and I no longer dwell in it. I can smile when I think back to the memories of it, but I can also cringe. I lost myself because of you, but I also found myself. You forced me to look inside myself and discover who it is that I want to be. It was a long climb to get to where I am now, but I wouldn’t do it any differently. No matter what, thanks for the memories.

Letter 6

Day 6 – A Stranger

Dear Stranger,
I hope that life is going well for you. And I hope that you are happy. Life is too short not to be happy. It’s also too short to waste time doing something you don’t love or truly enjoy. I hope you can find what you desire in life, and you can accomplish all your dreams. Always be realistic in what you reach for though, because if you’re not, you are sure to be disappointed if you fail. Always remember that 95% of things in life are fixable, so don’t sweat the little things. As they say, “there’s no use crying over spilled milk.” Never forget that tomorrow is a new day, and you have the power to make it into anything that you want it to be. You are in control of your own happiness, and you control your life. So make something of it.

Letter 5

Day 5 – Your Dreams

Dear Dreams,
I have two sets of dreams. The first are my life dreams. They are with me everywhere I go, every step of my day. They push me to go farther than I thought imaginable, whether it’s with school or in life. I hope I can accomplish everything you want me to, and I hope I’m able to fulfill them all. I know that they are ever changing, but I’ll do my best to keep up with them.
As for my nightly dreams, or terrors, good gracious, I wish I understood them. Every night they are crazier than the last. I have the most bizarre dreams and I always remember them so vividly. I wish I knew why. Or even what they mean. I sure as hell don’t understand them. Between the two dreams of a second Holocaust, having to get my brain scanned for lung cancer, & the end of the world yet floating by the sun, I have no idea what’s going on in my head. The people who make appearances are almost always important in my everyday life. I doubt I’ll ever understand them…

Letter 4

Day 4 – Your Sibling

Dear Sister,
I love you. I know life seems to be tough lately, but it’s just because you’re trying to figure out what you want to do with your life. You are close approaching the time when life says “hey, time to make a decision, so what is it?” and you’re just not ready to make that next step, which is more than okay. Life shouldn’t be set down in steps like it seems to be these days, but I know you’ll do what’s right, even if you stumble along the way. I know the decision of where to go for the next step is frustrating but I need you to understand something. No matter where you go, you will make great new friends, as well as a great life. You have that kind of personality, the one that just pulls people to you. You are so funny and giggly. When you’re happy, people want to be with you. Nobody can make me life the way you do. You have so many opportunities ahead of you. You need to embrace that and expand. Go somewhere new, make a mistake, have a new adventure. You can go anywhere in the world right now, as they say: the world is your oyster… or something like that. Maybe Boston is the place for you, and only time will tell, but don’t be afraid to branch out. There are so many amazing places you could end up, and so many choices to look at. So truly explore and figure out where life’s next adventure is located for you. And remember that no matter where you end up, you’ll make it work. You’ll make brand new friends that are better than the last, and you’ll make brand new memories to last you a lifetime. Lastly, know that whatever your decision is, I am here by your side every step of the way. I would never desert you or let you down, and I will always support you. Love you.